It appears that silence is the bringer of realizations. For as I sat alone in this little corner of mine, the root and the cause of my current torment has been brought to light.
I am a person who takes great pride in appearance and personal performance. But despite of that, I am a seeker of entertainment, of pleasure, of amusement. And regardless of my oath to take care of myself, I find myself getting sucked into this void filled with entertainment. It proved to be my downfall. Right from neglecting my studies, eating less, and now, sleeping less, I have gone against my very principle of self-improvement.
Indeed, I found out that the root and cause of my inability to concentrate and constant treading through a hazy cloud-like vision is due to lack of sleep. Now it might sound obvious to some that sleep is importance, and even I always stressed the importance of early sleep, we tend to be more on our "human nature" and ignore the risks in exchange for self-fulfillment.
That happened to me. And due to the fact that my room at college does not have an internet connection, I decided to stay up all night whenever I'm home. How could I have forgotten this simple fact? Just as the popular adage goes, "Time flies when you're having fun". And that couldn't have been more correct. When I'm on the internet, I tend to lose track of the time. And I ended up going to bed at 10 and above.
Since my usual limit is 8:30 PM to 9, I can deduce that indeed I have been losing sleep and my body is stressed enough to affect my concentration.
This realization is indeed an "eye-opener". For years, I have forgotten the importance of sleep. And as a result, it took away my ability to think straight and clearly. Even my reading ability was affected as well as my writing.
And for that, I will make a second vow never to deprive myself of sleep again. For if I value my development and truly love myself, I ought to at least give myself the rest it deserves.
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